7.10.2006

The So-Not-Accidental Tourist

With my time in Hawaii dwindling, I really needed to beef up my tourist cred. Without an aloha shirt or a room at the Hilton Hawaiian Village, my work was cut out for me. In a daring tourist move, I decided to walk around downtown Honolulu toting a pineapple under my arm and a bulge in my shorts that was so clearly my digital camera I was sure to be a mark for muggers, swindlers, and timeshare hawkers. But I strayed. I ended up in the Lyon Arboretum. What had I done? This was so obviously not a tourist attraction. How did I know, you ask? It did not boast being voted "The Most Authentic Luau/Village/Polynesian Cultural Event/Sunset/etc." in Hawaii! I was a rookie, a hack. No seer of sights was I. But then, when all seemed lost, I pulled off a tourist coup. A group of Japanese tourists, clearly skilled in the ancient art of shudderbuggery, appeared. Sensing their aura of prefab experience, I got them to take a picture of me standing under a baobab tree. It was wonderful. I'm certain to get full membership into the Tourists Local 808 now. It was beautiful. As the Japanese man gave me back my camera, seemingly breathing a sigh of relief as his wife returned his own camera to his waiting hand, a tear appeared in my eye. And as I wiped away that tear, I could swear it winked at me and said "Hang loose." Mahalo, little tear. Mahalo.

8 Comments:

At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Rev Transit said...

Your post has given me a great marketing idea. Imagine this-- a digital camera in the shape of a penis.

 
At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rev - remind me not to go into business with you.

 
At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Shannon said...

Sorry - that was my "anonymous" comment.

 
At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Rev Transit said...

Don't you get it, though? Tourists can stick the schlong-camera into their shorts and everyone will think they're hugely endowed.

Anyone who doesn't like that idea probably doesn't like money. All we'd have to do is turn the crank...

*P.S. I'm trademarking the name "Schlong-camera".

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Butternugget said...

Ew. You said "turn the crank".

 
At 8:26 PM, Anonymous Rev Transit said...

Oh, you know Don, too, huh?

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger evandebacle said...

Rev., I will do everything to support your penis-cam venture. My one suggestion is that you market is as a Canon Sure Shot and not a Canon Elph.

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Butternugget said...

I feel like there should be some joke about "single-lens reflex"...I just can't quite think of one.

 

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