I Went To A Party School

I Went To A Party School

Although I attended two schools of higher learning with notoriously high suicide rates, I think that I finally have my chance to rejoice. Cornell University is so rockin' that even the plants booze it up...and they don't fall over drunk. Now I can fit in with this Big Ten Party School crowd.

According to the Director of the Cornell Flower Bulb Research Program (accept no flower bulb research substitute), giving your flowers a nip of hard liquor - tequila, gin, whiskey, whatever - "[is] a simple and effective way to reduce stem and leaf growth." Now, since the flowers themselves show no ill-effects, they bloom with full force but the shorter stems don't keel over. Science in action. Beer and wine don't work apparently. It's only shots for them.

You're probably waiting for the bad pun in this entry; well here it is. Ahem.

I'm so proud to be an alumnus of the school that invented floral alcohol syndrome.


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